Deck the halls with........

Yes I know it March tomorrow and christmas has been and gone. But I'm designing stitcheries and amigurumi's for next christmas. I'm trying to get in the mood.  The snowmen are all done, now its time to make a snowwoman.  Then they are all set for some winter fun in the snow with a basket of snowballs.  While I had the ironing board out I ironed all the homespun scraps ready for drawing out the stitcheries.  Now I have to get in the mood for stitching. 

This morning I collected all the recycling from around the house and all the stuff to go to the op-shop, then I cleaned the phone, I've wiped the fridge down and clipped 5 of the dogs toe-nails,  cleaned my hairbrushes, seasoned the cast iron frying pans and now looking round for a few more little jobs to do.  Anything rather than sit down and craft.  I know once I put those first few stitches in I'll be on a roll.  Its just getting to that stage that I am putting off. WHY....I haven't a clue.  I've got farm town fields to plow, seeds to plant and I have to try and keep up the winning score for this week in Mahjong. I really should be banned from facebook.  What I need is to be whisked away to a desert island with all my crafty things and drawing books and colouring pencils with someone to cook my meals and clean up after me, quiet music playing in the background with a cool breeze and the sounds of the ocean to calm me.  No stress about having to do all the everyday things, no stress over having to look for work or lose my benefits, no stress over paying bills and finding money just to get through each day. ..........bliss.





Looks like its coffee time

so thats me outta here for now. Lets see if caffeine can get me motivated to make the little girl snowman and to start one stitchery.

Who p'd off Mother Nature

It makes you wonder what is going to be next.  Prayers for all in Christchurch and surrounds.

Meanwhile back in my little part of the world everything is calm and relaxed.  Two snowmen finished. Got an extra shoppy job to do tomorrow, got a product audit to do in the morning and then have to whizz over to Mareeba for a quick customer service assessment.  Might pop into Rivers who have a sale on.  I like their shoes.  I was supposed to be babysitting a friends dog in the morning as she had to fly to Bris for a hospital appointment but that got cancelled cos the medical team she was supposed to see are being sent to NZ.  So I have a couple of hours spare in the a.m. to do as I please.

I had a crap nights sleep due to a reflux attack, not had one for a while but its my own fault for having dinner late.  Then there were the weird dreams.  Why am I dreaming about cultures with strong traditions.  Four nights on the trot now I have had them.  Different scenarios but the themes are all along the same lines - the traditions and beliefs that hold us back from moving forwards. Ingrained behaviors.  In the dreams I am always fighting against them.  Dugong features in many of my dreams, maybe she is my totem spirit making herself known.

Time to make a cup of tea before bed, I have a debbie maccomber book to finish.  and another one to start so its an early night for me.  

Jan



Carrots

I found a thinner yarn and using a smaller hook I crocheted a carrot nose.  The second snowman is not as cute as the first and I suppose when I do the third he or she will be different again.  So now I have to do a candy cane walking stick.  I might leave this out of the final pattern draft and maybe add something else, I thought maybe a basket of snowballs. We'll see how it goes.  
Pulling weeds yesterday I also pulled my back, I really should learn.  Its not a disc or anything but I think it is more muscle related.  So enforced rest today.  Luckily I got the lawns done and the place looks reasonably tidy so if the queen comes for tea I won't be making up excuses why the place is a mess.  I can sit and crochet and make pattern notes. I need to iron the washed homespun for the stitcheries but that can wait till later in the week.  The patterns are all drawn out so I could work out the colours I want to use and the stitches.  I have lots of christmas fabric I have collected over the years so they will be used as borders.  Some is definately vintage.  Which will fit in quite nicely with the theme of the stitcheries.
At the moment I am still waiting for my passion to come back, I am working away at these new designs but I am feeling nothing, no excitement or enthusiasm.  I am enjoying doing them but it still feels like a chore.  In fact right now I feel very little excitement about anything in my  life.  I enjoy being with my friends and having a good laugh but even they have noticed that I am not my usual bubbly/warped/ strange/delightfully weird self.
Reading my posts here and on the craft forums I can see I have definately become more normal than usual, BORING I might add.  Am I finally growing up, maturing, ripening, acting my age.  How scary.

Jan

Well maybe I'll be choosy next time.....

trouble is I'm a 'fixer', I just can't help myself. If somebody needs help I just barge right in.
But I think maybe I will not be so fast to offer my services in future.
The realtor has told next door the house could go for around $375,000 and thats with the white ant damage and the all the renovation that is needed.  I fell in love with the most gorgeous queenslander that is for sale, beautiful views, cathredral ceilings, wrap around verandahs on a 2 acre block with fruit trees and bordered by a creek.  Just under a million, oh well I can dream - so much for downsizing.  
The garage sale next door was to have been next weekend and they said I could go and pick anything I wanted before the sale.  There was a nice old white table I fancied to do up and a duck casserole dish (long story over the duck) but nothing else.  They decided yesterday to have the garage sale that day, they came round this morning and said I could take my pick of what was left.  I got a couple of Al's books on woodworking and a model motorbike for RYan and that was it.  Everything I would have liked had gone or been given away.  I felt awful picking through the dregs of a friends life.  I have been thanked for all the help I have given their parents over the years which is all I really ever wanted from them. 
But life goes on and now I can look forward to new neighbours pretty soon.  I have to tell the son that the fence line is in the wrong place, Al didn't want to mow down a little slope on the fence line so he asked if he could put the fence at the top of the slope thus giving us an extra foot (and yes, I had to mow up the slope), he also moved the fence line at the bottom as well which means his neighbour over the back got an extra foot, if that is moved back then their new house has been built too close to the original fence line and could cause problems with town planning.  Moral dilemma - do I keep schtum, the surveyors will probably pick it up.  I know my neighbour on the other side said all the fence lines were out anyway.
Life is quiet without the dog, my dog is running around looking for her.  I hope her new owners love her and treat her right.  She knew something was going on, kept glaring at me.
We had one last long walk by the lake early friday morning and then I took her over to next door as I had to work over in Mareeba for a couple of hours, she was trying to get back to me as I left. When I got back later I thought she had gone. I opened the front door to go check the post and the car was just leaving, she was sat in the back seat looking out of the window, I quickly shut the door.  I know I made the right decision.
Back on the craft front, I have crocheted an amigurumi snowman, he looks quite cute.  I need to find a carrot button or charm for his nose. I tried to make a felt one but it didn't look right.  A trip to Spotlight was planned for yesterday but plans changed and I really didn't fancy going down today.  I did tell RYan Spotlight was a good place to pick up girls - lots of cute assistants willing to help a young good looking man who was looking for something for his mum but he didn't fall for it.  Liam on the other hand who is now single again said it was a good idea.  What do you think could happen to two country boys in the big city looking for a carrot for a snowmans nose.

JAN

Why am I so happy.......

The dog goes tomorrow to her new home.  In the three weeks she has been with me I've managed to train her not to pee in the house, not to jump up on the furniture or to jump up at people.  No thanks you's for that.  I've fed her, I've walked her, I've loved her. 
To be quite honest she's a sneaky little bully of a dog who has been spoiled rotten, treated like a human rather than an animal.  I will miss the walks though, my little Poppy is going to have to get used to being dragged out from under the bed in the future for early morning walks down by the lake.  I had told the owners family that I couldn't afford to get her vet-checked, chipped and de-sexed if I took her, so we went back to the original plan of a friend of the home-help taking her.  The family offered to pay all the vets bills for her cos she couldn't afford it.  The family have stripped the house bare, dumped half of it, given a whole heap away to their friends and then asked me if there was anything I wanted out of the crap that was left. 
That was before the old man was dead and now the old lady is still alive in hospital, totally out of it though.  They are not having a funeral, he's going to be cremated yesterday, today or tomorrow, who knows.  They are all squabbling over who's getting what. I don't want a thing.  I watched out for their parents because they couldn't be bothered to, they were quite happy to stand back and let me do it.    My boys are upset because the old man was like a grandfather to them. So I think we'll have our own ceremony to farewell him at the weekend.  I'm just so mad how his family have treated him and are now treating his things. Theres no respect.   In a way its a blessing that their mother is not with it at all.
It has made me think that in future I will not be so helpful and nice.  Not so eager to be the good neighbour.  The house will probably be sold to someone who wants it as a holiday home.  Pretty soon nearly all the houses where I live will be holidays rentals.  In fact on my street I think there are only 3 people that can say they have lived there over 18 years and I am one of them.   I think now it might be time for me to pull out and sell up.  Move to a smaller place with less garden, closer to the hospitals and shops.  The rates here are sky high and we have less amenitites than everywhere else. Its been yuppified, everything has been taken over by boutique motels and spas, its all geared up for the tourists. 
I need to downsize, get rid of a few things, have less clutter around.  Even though I have had major declutters in the past couple of years there still a lot left.  I have half a rainforest under the house and a toolshed full of tools nobody uses.
I might check out the realtor websites and see what is available.

Jan

Getting my mojo back

Its coming slowly but surely. I worked for 4 hours in the craft room yesterday. I had intended to turn off the computer at 9 a.m yesterday and work till lunch time, but I went in there purely to set everything up ready to go and then actually sat down to work at 8.30. I had realised the computer was still on but knew if I left the craft room i would get side-tracked. Just as I had that thought it hit 9 o'clock and there was a short power outage for maybe a few seconds - enough to turn off the computer.  Even the universe seems to be pushing me to get back to designing. I am happy with what I have done.  The snowman was actually drawn straight onto calico and stitched last October with no draft drawing done first, so I had to the first draft for it.   I'm going to work on them a bit more before I commit them to fabric.  I've worked all morning again in the craft room, I can't believe its lunch time already. So I've taken the photo's, edited and made a collage and watermarked it.  Now I can start perhaps changing, adding or removed certain things. I'm itchin to get stitchin but I have to be patiant.
I have made the decision to let the foster dog go, for once I am letting my head rule and not the heart. She's a beautiful dog but my little old girl is suffering, the foster dog is very demanding and is constantly pushing Poppy away from me.  She's knows her master has gone, she is moping and sooo sad, especially as she can hear the family in his house next door.   After a discussion with her owners family they realise they can't keep her either and she needs to go to a home where she has plenty of space and someone there all the time.  She's laying at my feet now
and follows me everywhere.  Its been good for me with all the walks she has been getting.
But I have to let her go before I get too attached. 

Thank you Norma.....

After a long chat with my 'cuz' I decided to clear out my bag.

Three pieces of wrapped up chewed up chewing gum.

One urine sample bottle. ( Unused).

Four hair grips.

Cough Lolly wrappers.

1 lace vintage hanky.

One heart spray.

One hand sanitiser.

One asthma inhaler.

Two hair ties.
One brush.

One bolt off the old lawn mower.

One barbeque skewer (used).

One list (not mine, don't know where it came from).

One list (mine) from christmas.

One breast screen notice.

A collection of teeth from a comb.

Glitter (from a painting my grandaughter gave me).
New Rego sticker that should have been put on the car days ago.

Dozen shopping receipts - kept because you get 4c off a litre of petrol, all out of date.

Old phone bill (paid).
Dozens of bank receipts.
Two Avon sample lippies(Covered in glitter).
One dead phone.

Old and new appointment letters.

One cosmetic bag (empty).

One dead plant cutting.
Sand (?).
Half a packet of sticky cough lollies (with sand attached).
I was wondering where the sand came from but then I found the sea-shell.

I've filed the things that needed to be filed, put all the medications and hair stuff in the cosmetic bag, thrown out all the old receipts, emptied out the sand and glitter, put the rego on the kitchen bench near the back door so it is the first thing I do in the morning. Thrown out the chewing gum and rubbish. Charged up my phone, the sample bottle will be filled in the morning (like you needed to know that LOL), I remembered where the skewer came from - a Lenards mexican chilli chicken sausage sample.  I've stuck the appointment letters on the fridge - I need a bigger fridge, I'm running out of space and fridge magnets.

I've made a new list of things that I need to do, think, say, feel this week.

Tomorrow I am going to stay off the puter as long as I can unless it is for research, I am going to stick myself in the craft room and I am going to get these ideas that are running round my head out of there and on to paper.  I am going to feel that passion again, I am going to be fired up and enthusiastic about my work and my life.  I am going to stop self sabataging. I am going to go back to cooking proper meals. I am going to kick this self indulgent apathy and lethargy in the butt. Well, maybe the day after tomorrow I'll do it.

Jan

sad news

My dear sweet friend has passed on.  Tears have been shed, hugs have been given, stories told, regrets made..........and that is all I am going to say on the matter.  Life goes on.

Another Day

Thanks Norma, I'll email you after I've posted here.

Despite my beliefs I still find it hard.  I got so upset because Al and his wife have worked hard all their lives and at the end of it they should be able to have a peaceful retirement. Instead they have been dogged by bad health these past few years, living in a run down house. I can only do so much and I have to realise that I can't 'fix' everything and everyone.  These were their choices,  I've stepped back from my family issues, they are all grown men but if they ask for my advice and help I will give it.  My choice right now is to look after me. 
I slept really well last night, though looking at the twisted covers on the bed I might have been a bit restless.  I got up early, took the dog for a run, came home cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, swept off the leaves from the verandah and am now sat having my coffee. A friend will be here soon for her shower and to charge her puter and phone up (still no power out at her place) and its still not 8.00 a.m.
I want to get back to my dolls, the originals, the ones that have just been in Handmade have longer legs and bigger feet, the new ones seem to have evolved into shorter chubbier dolls.  I have doll body parts all over the place and I have orders for 5 more. So I am going to try and make a long legged set and a chubby set and then people can choose which they prefer.  Then I want to get started on something else, the robot and dinasaur are in the process of evolving, I'm going to change the patterns slightly.  Its funny but when I first started doing amigurumi the creatures were smaller and stranger, I made them up as I went along and I never made the same thing twice. Now I think the inner control freak has taken over and they are becoming more 'normal'.  Its markets at the end of the month, so I might try and get a few of the weirder smaller cats and bears done and just a couple of the dolls and see which people prefer. 
I'm going to go pop a couple of slices of bread in the toaster and hope that today is not its day for burning everything to a crisp.  Typical, its starts to go wrong just when its out of warranty.

Jan

Taking a breather

January was a full on month, February started out that way as well. A neighbour and his wife, a lovely old couple who are like parents to me are both in hospital. I have been looking after their dog and house. I do it because, well I just do it, for no reason other than following the golden rule. Today my beautiful friend took a turn for the worse, I recognised the signs of a tired body shutting down, a soul ready for its next journey, I held his hand and calmed him down while the nurses took tests and prodded and probed.  A very young doctor totally unused to the situation told me his heart was failing. This wonderful man who cared for his wife who has dementia, this wonderful who loves his family so much he didn't tell (or let me tell) them that he was in hospital, he didn't want to worry them. His daughter came up to see him yesterday and I told her I would keep her informed, today I had to phone up and tell her that she should get back as soon as possible and to get in touch with her brother.
I have been running back and forth to the hospital, looking after his things, preparing both our houses for cyclones and now I am tired, oh so tired. I'm afraid after I left the hospital I cracked, I found I had left the daughters phone number at home so I was going to rush home and get it, only to find I had left my car lights on so I had a flat battery, looking for my phone I realised I had left it by the computer. The public phone chewed up all my money and I was unable to phone my son. I asked a young man if he could jump start my car but he didn't have jump leads.  Last week I threw the old jump leads in the back of the car thinking one day I might need them.  So he started me up and I took off home, after I had made the calls, I phoned a friend and she asked if I was all right and I just fell to pieces.  Then my son phoned and that was it.  I certainly feel a lot better for getting rid of it all and feel I cope now.  My friend drove me back to the hospital because I didn't want Albert to be on his own.  I held his hand for a while and talked utter rubbish as you do.  He seemed to be sleeping so while the nurses did some more tests my son and I went for a coffee.  When we got back the daughter was there so I felt my job was done, I could take a step back.  His grandson is on his way up and the son is trying to get a flight down from Weipa.
Peg the wife is so ill on another ward, her body is being assaulted by infection after infection, she kept apologsing for not recognising me or knowing who I was.  My only hope is that when Al goes Peg will be close behind him, horrible I know for the family but they have just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and they have been inseparable. He sings romantic songs to her and tells her she still looks sexy to him. They argue over silly things and then kiss and make up.  She was 16 and he was 19 when they married in LOndon. They came to australia for a new life, both chefs working at top hotels, till they had their own restaurant.  He was also a french polisher and I have a beautiful coffee table he made me one christmas.  One christmas he made me a sentry box about 19 iches high painted blue, when I opened it it had a very cheeky looking garden gnome in it and 'Al' has guarded the front door for many years.  Funny thing, it was the one thing I forgot to take in from outside when the cyclone hit.  It hadn't even moved slightly despite a bush next to it being damaged.
Enough waffling, this isn't really for anyone else to read though if you do I would appreciate you say a little prayer for my friends and their family. This is my way of releasing grief, releasing some feelings I thought I had got rid of, releasing some memories of a time before when the grief belonged to me and mine.