January was a full on month, February started out that way as well. A neighbour and his wife, a lovely old couple who are like parents to me are both in hospital. I have been looking after their dog and house. I do it because, well I just do it, for no reason other than following the golden rule. Today my beautiful friend took a turn for the worse, I recognised the signs of a tired body shutting down, a soul ready for its next journey, I held his hand and calmed him down while the nurses took tests and prodded and probed. A very young doctor totally unused to the situation told me his heart was failing. This wonderful man who cared for his wife who has dementia, this wonderful who loves his family so much he didn't tell (or let me tell) them that he was in hospital, he didn't want to worry them. His daughter came up to see him yesterday and I told her I would keep her informed, today I had to phone up and tell her that she should get back as soon as possible and to get in touch with her brother.
I have been running back and forth to the hospital, looking after his things, preparing both our houses for cyclones and now I am tired, oh so tired. I'm afraid after I left the hospital I cracked, I found I had left the daughters phone number at home so I was going to rush home and get it, only to find I had left my car lights on so I had a flat battery, looking for my phone I realised I had left it by the computer. The public phone chewed up all my money and I was unable to phone my son. I asked a young man if he could jump start my car but he didn't have jump leads. Last week I threw the old jump leads in the back of the car thinking one day I might need them. So he started me up and I took off home, after I had made the calls, I phoned a friend and she asked if I was all right and I just fell to pieces. Then my son phoned and that was it. I certainly feel a lot better for getting rid of it all and feel I cope now. My friend drove me back to the hospital because I didn't want Albert to be on his own. I held his hand for a while and talked utter rubbish as you do. He seemed to be sleeping so while the nurses did some more tests my son and I went for a coffee. When we got back the daughter was there so I felt my job was done, I could take a step back. His grandson is on his way up and the son is trying to get a flight down from Weipa.
Peg the wife is so ill on another ward, her body is being assaulted by infection after infection, she kept apologsing for not recognising me or knowing who I was. My only hope is that when Al goes Peg will be close behind him, horrible I know for the family but they have just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and they have been inseparable. He sings romantic songs to her and tells her she still looks sexy to him. They argue over silly things and then kiss and make up. She was 16 and he was 19 when they married in LOndon. They came to australia for a new life, both chefs working at top hotels, till they had their own restaurant. He was also a french polisher and I have a beautiful coffee table he made me one christmas. One christmas he made me a sentry box about 19 iches high painted blue, when I opened it it had a very cheeky looking garden gnome in it and 'Al' has guarded the front door for many years. Funny thing, it was the one thing I forgot to take in from outside when the cyclone hit. It hadn't even moved slightly despite a bush next to it being damaged.
Enough waffling, this isn't really for anyone else to read though if you do I would appreciate you say a little prayer for my friends and their family. This is my way of releasing grief, releasing some feelings I thought I had got rid of, releasing some memories of a time before when the grief belonged to me and mine.