Time

I had a little epiphany this morning.  Time.  How much I hate being ruled by it and how I fight it.  I buy diaries and calendars, start off really well with them and by the end of February they lay forgotten.  I am forever forgetting things, mainly because I don't look at my diary, i go to appointments on wrong days and if I actually get the date and time right its only beacuase I made a conscious effort to remember - big notes on the fridge, memo alarm on my phone and puter, friends phoning me up to remind me.
A friend is picking me up in 30 mins to go out for the day shopping. Am I getting ready, NO, i'm waffling on about how much I hate TIME.  Now this fights with my inner control freak.  Luckily she is being sat on by my inner neat freak. Its being controlled I hate, yet  when the INF is around every minute is counted and controlled.  I don't wear a watch (I do have one but its and two others are laying in a dusty pile requiring new batteries  - the watches require batteries not the dusty pile).  I force myself to write things in a diary, this is where having an inner control freak comes in handy, she's the one that writes the lists on the fridge door and in my bag. 
I will not let my life be governed by TIME. I will do things in my TIME and my time runs slow.
Unfortunately time went quick this morning and I now have to run around like a headless chook to get ready for my day out in the big city. 

Jan

easters on its way

I cannot believe it,  yesterday a friend came over for coffee and brought Hot Cross Buns. Woolies have Hot Cross Buns in already. 

I had a reasonable sleep last night, not like the night before where I itched and scratched the night away.  A friend said it could be something in the water since all the flooding, extra chemicals to keep it clean I suppose.  So last night I went to bed unshowered.  Good job I sleep alone LOL.  No itching. So maybe I might pop into the council offices tomorrow and check with them.  I'll shower tonight and see whats happens overnight.  I had rather a rude awakening this morning. After being manoevered to the other side of the bed by the dog I slept good then woke to the sound of mowers and whipper snippers and the birds giving it their all. I rolled over and suddenly realised there wasn't any bed behind me, I managed to throw myself back on the bed.
BigW had a sale on and my dear friend bought me a big beautiful soft bath sheet, purple.
So I'm going to nip off now and jump in the shower and then wrap myself in my new big fluffy towel - simple pleasures.

Day 4 of a bright new year

We got the rains about 5 mins after I went and started up the mower for the second time. I was attempting to do a straight line. As we have no fences up between the properties it makes it difficult. I usually start off from the back fence line post and aim for a trellis that is on the fence line half way down the gardens. I think I do alright and then when I look back I see this very wavy line - and thats when I'm sober.  The rains came down all of a sudden - the washing, oh no it will be nearly dry. The mower and I rush to the washing which is in front of the shed, i turn off the mower and throw open the shed door with one hand while stretching out with the other to grab stuff off the line. The wind slams the shed door shut just as I am pushing the mower in, I then realise the mower is still going, its jammed in the on position.  One more attempt to get the mower and washing both in at the same time, I stretch out one leg to keep the door open while i push the mower in, a huge gust of wind comes and blows the Hills hoist around while I am still holding on to a doona cover.  I am quite sure I heard tittering and giggling from further down the back gardens.  Exit one mad woman muttering under her breath about the universe conspiring against her.

I did achieve a lot yesterday, i managed to get some crocheting in as well.  Attempting to do either a dragon or a dinasaur.  At first it was going to be a dragon, then I pulled it back and its now a dinasaur, not sure what sort.  An amigurumisaurus probably.  I am writing the pattern down as I go, not like before where I was too motivated to write anything down and just ploughed straight ahead. I just had to do it, hook flying, no time to write.

But now I am organised and I mean to go on that way (famous last words I know, but this time I mean them - honest).

With this lingering chest infection I have not been eating properly, food tastes like cardboard.  So my cupboards are still well stocked, the little freezer is full of frozen veggies and meat and I have a few tins of stuff.  This means that I really don't need to shop for a while except for probably bread,  milk and eggs. I only go through 2 1/2 litres of milk a week at the most and maybe one loaf of bread.  My challenge for myself is to not go food shopping unless I really need to for the whole month of January.  I have two big bills coming up and I need to put petrol in the car and thats about it. 

I get to go into town this morning to see my job network advisor, I'll do what I can while I am in town, get my walk in, stock up on some craft supplies, check out the op-shops for some china plates with pretty designs on, visit the library and stock up on books and pootle off home for coffee with a friend.  The dog still needs to be washed and I have to iron and then vacumn.  Busy, busy day.

jan

Clearing out......

Day three of the new year and I have tried to do something each day so that when the end of the day is on me I can sit back and actually see that I achieved something. The files caught my attention.  So here I sit surrounded by old letters, bills and receipts, warranties for things no longer in my possession and old envelopes.  Two bags of paper ready for the fire. 

The sun is shining at last, so I've done a load of washing and the dog is going to get a flea bath.  I'm even considering starting up the mower.  Even if I just do around the house it will be an achievement, ripping a few weeds out on the way, sweep up some leaves and trim a few bushes..............getting carried away with myself there.  But thats what seeing the sun does for you after seemingly weeks of grey skies and drizzle. 

Well two hours later, the washing is blowing in the wind and part of the lawn is mowed and a whole heap of weeds and grass pulled out from around the raised veggie plot.  I've had my lunch and I'm just about to pounce on the dog or I might just go and do a bit more mowing.  It will probably be raining in an hour. We get the monsoon rains in the afternoons.

Jan

This year I will be pondering on this quote before I purchase, feel or think anything.  I will be looking at what I have in my life now and what I would like in my life.  Do the things I have in my life make me happy............Yes, they do.  For the past year the op-shops have benefited from me disposing of all the material things in my life that no longer gave me joy.

Friends , well, my friends are probably one of the most precious things in my life and they make me very happy.  Everyone of them is unique and they each bring their own specialness to my life.

Family, I love my family.  My sons, daughter-in-law and my wonderful little grandgirls. Sometimes they turn up when I'm not really in the mood for them, but my mood is always lifted by the time they leave.

My creativity.  This gives me great joy.  Though at the moment my joy is slightly diminished because of a block.  I am sure though that that tiny spark that is still there will not go out and blaze fiercely once again.

My spirituality.  I do not follow any organised religions.  I worship where I stand at any particular moment.  I feel the grace of God all around me, be it in the frozen food aisle of Coles or a misty morning by the lake.  I believe in the laws of attraction and the golden rule.

MY home.  Its not perfect but it protects and provides a warm, safe, welcoming environment for all that visit.  I am happy with everything in it and if I am not then I try to improve or remove.  It gives me joy.

Me.  Heres the deal breaker.  I'm daggy, saggy and baggy, frumpy, greying, bulging, stuck in a rut.  Thats what I am unhappy with - ME.  So do I remove or improve.  Well since the angels are not ready to remove me just yet I guess I'd better improve.
I used to think I was happy being who I am - funny, a good friend, caring, honest, faithful etc etc etc, but there is always something holding me back. Yes, I am overweight but it really hasn't stopped me from doing anything I have wanted to do. If I really wanted to throw myself out of a plane then I wouldn't have let my weight stop me. 
How will I improve ME.

1.  Lose some weight - I lost 4 kgs  before christmas, I haven't overeaten but those kg's and two extra ones have appeared on the scales.  I haven't been doing the same amount of walking I used to do though due to a numb foot and pains in my leg.  Waiting to see a doctor over that.  So on the good days I will try and walk a little more, maybe eat slightly less. 

2.  Get my greying, frizzy, long hair sorted. 18 months ago I had a really nice cut, the best one ever, it was easy to manage and my hair looked good.  I felt good.  Time to feel that way again I think.

3.  My clothes.  If I find something that is comfortable I wear it to death.  I hate buying new stuff. I always shop at op-shops or sales.  So, I'm going to go out once a month and buy something NEW and pretty and something that makes me happy. 

These three things are enough to get me started. I am not going to stress over the weeks when I lose nothing, I am not going to stress over my hair or my clothes. I am not going to stress over LACK.                                                                                                       

 I am happy with my lot in life.  I choose to live my life  in joy and gratitude.

Jan

So I changed my mind.......

OKay so maybe it is a bit premature for Easter.  I was playing around with photo's and thought a section of a china plate would look nice.  It'll do for now.

Yesterday I didn't get out of my baggy daggy sleeping t-shirt, I thought perhaps now would be a good time to though.  Start the year as you mean to go on........daggy and laid back without a care in the world.

I cleared out my files in my emails.  Got rid of lots of junk I no longer need in there.  1000 emails I had been saving in some file or another. Of course it took twice as long cos I had to read some on them.  Right back to 2006. Boy was I young and naive then HA HA HA, I wish. I'd have to go back to before 1970 for that.

I need inspiration, my creativity is well and truly stuck, I need to do 6 dolls pretty soon for a friends  window display. 

I'm also stuck over wether I should start doing the markets, dragging myself out of bed early is no problem, its the motivation I need to commit and following through.  Its the same with the magazines - I just can't get the motivation to follow through with my ideas.

My ideal life would be to have enough money to not worry about the bills and to live comfortably, not to have to worry about centrelink ruling my life, to be able to do what I want, when I want and to not have to worry about anyone else but myself and to do what I love doing.  I seem to be waiting for something to happen all the time. I'm in limbo with everything in my life.  I know I should use this quiet time to reflect and go within, meditate and heal but even that side of my life is in Limbo. 

Lunch time, left over ham salad I think with crusty bread and then get out of this towel and get dressed.

Jan

OOPS

Just realised the picture I put up is an Easter themed one.  Oh well, I suppose I've beaten Coles, Woolies and Big W in getting out their Easter goodies already.  Tough, cos its staying.

Today I got rid of christmas, I got myself organised for once. Everything went in their correct boxes. The antique decs all went together.  I photographed how the new tree lights came in their little plastic carry box, could I get them back in there the right way, I think they should include a dvd on how to do it.  I was so proud of myself ib putting everything away - normally I'm finding things I've missed for weeks after. I was telling this to my friend on Skype and then looked to the right and there in one of the plant pots was a little felt button tree I had placed next to the plant.  It can stay there - pretty soon the plant will cover it up and its green anyways so it will be camoflaged. 

Prayers to all those further south.  The floods are the worst ever.  Its heartbreaking to watch the news and see all those people who have been affected by them.  All this water and half the country is still in drought.

Jan

A day of reading

.................not the pile of library books I quickly grabbed just before the library closed for christmas or the local free rag with its first christmas baby pics and who did what on christmas day.  But blogs. I'm off blog tripping again.  I've gone to the first blog on my dashboard, then gone to the first blog on her blog list, then the second blog on their blog list and the third and so it will go on.  This way I get to read blogs that I wouldn't normally go to.

Yesterday I mooched around, I slept away half the day, read for a bit, did 30 sudoku puzzles, had a sandwich, slept some more, had another sandwich and then went to bed.  I was so out of sorts it was not a nice feeling.  I think because this year has been such a rushed affair, always having something to do, somewhere to be that this period of inactivity is killing me, I can't sit quietly and just do nothing (well, maybe for one day I can just about manage it). I am so restless, I couldn't settle to do anything (or want to) .
I've decided that I am going to paint the kitchen cupboards an off white, leaving the tops polished wood (Beautiful Queensland Maple).  That will be summers project. 
I'm dangerous when I am bored.

I suppose I'd better fess up about my christmas present from the boys.   Not exactly pretty,
but very functional, white goes with everything.   Okay, so it wasn't what I imagined I would be getting,  I suppose I'll have to buy myself the gorgeous ceramic shabby chic measuring cups and spoons I'd been hinting about for weeks.  It looked promising as they gve it to me, big and nicely wrapped.......okay, I'm getting to it.   A TOILET CISTERN, yes you heard right.   My loo has been playing up for a while, I have to fill the cistern with water from a bucket, water spurts everywhere from a faulty valve which they were told couldn't be replaced, the whole cistern would have to be new.  So they bought me a new water saving cistern - 6 litres for a full flush and 3 for a wee.   Now all I need is a nice man to fit it for me. 

Oh yes, and we got a cyclone for christmas day. Only a little one, lots of wind and rain but not much damage.  Plenty of flooding around, all the roads to down south cut off which means road transport can't get up north. Shelves pretty bare in the shops, not that I want to venture out. I did go over to my eldests for our festive bacon butty barbi, it looked like the river had gone over at one stage, judging by the amount of debris on the road. The river was running thick and brown just under the bridge so I didn't hang around too long at my sons. 

Better go get dressed and try and get something done today. 

Jan

Prospect of a new job

I enquired at one of the 'boutique' accommodation places in the village to see if they had any job vacancys going. They got back to me last night and want to see me today.  So my resume is titivated and tweaked and off I'll go shortly.  I am easy as to wether theres an opening for a cleaner or admin work.  If I can get 15 hours a week I will be over the moon no matter it is.

I started this update 3 hours ago. I've been down the road to the cottages for an interview and I am now the relief housekeeper.  Its just covering for when the owner has to be away, not a lot of work but anything is gratefully accepted.

I spent all this morning working on a presentation for the position of Chocolatier at the Coffee Works. Now wouldn't that be a great job to do.

Jan

Christmas Markets

Our village had its christmas markets on sunday and I shared a stall with a friend. I made up lots of of little packets of my crocheted flowers and took a few dolls as well.  The flowers were a great hit, all the brooches sold, lots of interest in the dolls but the only one to go was the pink fluffy teddy which I did a straight swap for a yellow retro colander from a Vintage and Retro stall. 
The markets are a great way to catch up with everyone and I get to chat with people I don't see all that often.  One friend told me about a shop that had changed owners and that I should go and see if she would take my things.  So this morning off I pootled into town and lo and behold it was an old friend of mine, we had actually worked together in a craft shop many years ago.  She was interested in some of the flowers and after seeing the photo's of the dolls she ordered 6 for a front window display. 
So my fingers will be flying this christmas, no rest for the wicked. 
I've had a chest infection for the past few days, my head feels like its going to fall off every time I cough and I also wish I'd kept up with those pecky pelvic floor exercises. Its a bugger having to quickly cross my legs every time I have a coughing fit.  I've not felt like eating anything and besides all food tastes like cardboard at the moment.  The dog has started to sleep under the bed again - I think she was fed up of being kicked off every five minutes with all my tossing and turning. 
Its so hot and muggy here, thunders been rolling round the skies all afternoon, we didn't get any rain from it but the sky was black over Malanda way.
I'm off to see if I can find a tin of chicken soup anywhere in the house, I just feel like some Campbells chicken noodle soup.

Jan