This year I will be pondering on this quote before I purchase, feel or think anything.  I will be looking at what I have in my life now and what I would like in my life.  Do the things I have in my life make me happy............Yes, they do.  For the past year the op-shops have benefited from me disposing of all the material things in my life that no longer gave me joy.

Friends , well, my friends are probably one of the most precious things in my life and they make me very happy.  Everyone of them is unique and they each bring their own specialness to my life.

Family, I love my family.  My sons, daughter-in-law and my wonderful little grandgirls. Sometimes they turn up when I'm not really in the mood for them, but my mood is always lifted by the time they leave.

My creativity.  This gives me great joy.  Though at the moment my joy is slightly diminished because of a block.  I am sure though that that tiny spark that is still there will not go out and blaze fiercely once again.

My spirituality.  I do not follow any organised religions.  I worship where I stand at any particular moment.  I feel the grace of God all around me, be it in the frozen food aisle of Coles or a misty morning by the lake.  I believe in the laws of attraction and the golden rule.

MY home.  Its not perfect but it protects and provides a warm, safe, welcoming environment for all that visit.  I am happy with everything in it and if I am not then I try to improve or remove.  It gives me joy.

Me.  Heres the deal breaker.  I'm daggy, saggy and baggy, frumpy, greying, bulging, stuck in a rut.  Thats what I am unhappy with - ME.  So do I remove or improve.  Well since the angels are not ready to remove me just yet I guess I'd better improve.
I used to think I was happy being who I am - funny, a good friend, caring, honest, faithful etc etc etc, but there is always something holding me back. Yes, I am overweight but it really hasn't stopped me from doing anything I have wanted to do. If I really wanted to throw myself out of a plane then I wouldn't have let my weight stop me. 
How will I improve ME.

1.  Lose some weight - I lost 4 kgs  before christmas, I haven't overeaten but those kg's and two extra ones have appeared on the scales.  I haven't been doing the same amount of walking I used to do though due to a numb foot and pains in my leg.  Waiting to see a doctor over that.  So on the good days I will try and walk a little more, maybe eat slightly less. 

2.  Get my greying, frizzy, long hair sorted. 18 months ago I had a really nice cut, the best one ever, it was easy to manage and my hair looked good.  I felt good.  Time to feel that way again I think.

3.  My clothes.  If I find something that is comfortable I wear it to death.  I hate buying new stuff. I always shop at op-shops or sales.  So, I'm going to go out once a month and buy something NEW and pretty and something that makes me happy. 

These three things are enough to get me started. I am not going to stress over the weeks when I lose nothing, I am not going to stress over my hair or my clothes. I am not going to stress over LACK.                                                                                                       

 I am happy with my lot in life.  I choose to live my life  in joy and gratitude.

Jan

So I changed my mind.......

OKay so maybe it is a bit premature for Easter.  I was playing around with photo's and thought a section of a china plate would look nice.  It'll do for now.

Yesterday I didn't get out of my baggy daggy sleeping t-shirt, I thought perhaps now would be a good time to though.  Start the year as you mean to go on........daggy and laid back without a care in the world.

I cleared out my files in my emails.  Got rid of lots of junk I no longer need in there.  1000 emails I had been saving in some file or another. Of course it took twice as long cos I had to read some on them.  Right back to 2006. Boy was I young and naive then HA HA HA, I wish. I'd have to go back to before 1970 for that.

I need inspiration, my creativity is well and truly stuck, I need to do 6 dolls pretty soon for a friends  window display. 

I'm also stuck over wether I should start doing the markets, dragging myself out of bed early is no problem, its the motivation I need to commit and following through.  Its the same with the magazines - I just can't get the motivation to follow through with my ideas.

My ideal life would be to have enough money to not worry about the bills and to live comfortably, not to have to worry about centrelink ruling my life, to be able to do what I want, when I want and to not have to worry about anyone else but myself and to do what I love doing.  I seem to be waiting for something to happen all the time. I'm in limbo with everything in my life.  I know I should use this quiet time to reflect and go within, meditate and heal but even that side of my life is in Limbo. 

Lunch time, left over ham salad I think with crusty bread and then get out of this towel and get dressed.

Jan

OOPS

Just realised the picture I put up is an Easter themed one.  Oh well, I suppose I've beaten Coles, Woolies and Big W in getting out their Easter goodies already.  Tough, cos its staying.

Today I got rid of christmas, I got myself organised for once. Everything went in their correct boxes. The antique decs all went together.  I photographed how the new tree lights came in their little plastic carry box, could I get them back in there the right way, I think they should include a dvd on how to do it.  I was so proud of myself ib putting everything away - normally I'm finding things I've missed for weeks after. I was telling this to my friend on Skype and then looked to the right and there in one of the plant pots was a little felt button tree I had placed next to the plant.  It can stay there - pretty soon the plant will cover it up and its green anyways so it will be camoflaged. 

Prayers to all those further south.  The floods are the worst ever.  Its heartbreaking to watch the news and see all those people who have been affected by them.  All this water and half the country is still in drought.

Jan

A day of reading

.................not the pile of library books I quickly grabbed just before the library closed for christmas or the local free rag with its first christmas baby pics and who did what on christmas day.  But blogs. I'm off blog tripping again.  I've gone to the first blog on my dashboard, then gone to the first blog on her blog list, then the second blog on their blog list and the third and so it will go on.  This way I get to read blogs that I wouldn't normally go to.

Yesterday I mooched around, I slept away half the day, read for a bit, did 30 sudoku puzzles, had a sandwich, slept some more, had another sandwich and then went to bed.  I was so out of sorts it was not a nice feeling.  I think because this year has been such a rushed affair, always having something to do, somewhere to be that this period of inactivity is killing me, I can't sit quietly and just do nothing (well, maybe for one day I can just about manage it). I am so restless, I couldn't settle to do anything (or want to) .
I've decided that I am going to paint the kitchen cupboards an off white, leaving the tops polished wood (Beautiful Queensland Maple).  That will be summers project. 
I'm dangerous when I am bored.

I suppose I'd better fess up about my christmas present from the boys.   Not exactly pretty,
but very functional, white goes with everything.   Okay, so it wasn't what I imagined I would be getting,  I suppose I'll have to buy myself the gorgeous ceramic shabby chic measuring cups and spoons I'd been hinting about for weeks.  It looked promising as they gve it to me, big and nicely wrapped.......okay, I'm getting to it.   A TOILET CISTERN, yes you heard right.   My loo has been playing up for a while, I have to fill the cistern with water from a bucket, water spurts everywhere from a faulty valve which they were told couldn't be replaced, the whole cistern would have to be new.  So they bought me a new water saving cistern - 6 litres for a full flush and 3 for a wee.   Now all I need is a nice man to fit it for me. 

Oh yes, and we got a cyclone for christmas day. Only a little one, lots of wind and rain but not much damage.  Plenty of flooding around, all the roads to down south cut off which means road transport can't get up north. Shelves pretty bare in the shops, not that I want to venture out. I did go over to my eldests for our festive bacon butty barbi, it looked like the river had gone over at one stage, judging by the amount of debris on the road. The river was running thick and brown just under the bridge so I didn't hang around too long at my sons. 

Better go get dressed and try and get something done today. 

Jan

Prospect of a new job

I enquired at one of the 'boutique' accommodation places in the village to see if they had any job vacancys going. They got back to me last night and want to see me today.  So my resume is titivated and tweaked and off I'll go shortly.  I am easy as to wether theres an opening for a cleaner or admin work.  If I can get 15 hours a week I will be over the moon no matter it is.

I started this update 3 hours ago. I've been down the road to the cottages for an interview and I am now the relief housekeeper.  Its just covering for when the owner has to be away, not a lot of work but anything is gratefully accepted.

I spent all this morning working on a presentation for the position of Chocolatier at the Coffee Works. Now wouldn't that be a great job to do.

Jan

Christmas Markets

Our village had its christmas markets on sunday and I shared a stall with a friend. I made up lots of of little packets of my crocheted flowers and took a few dolls as well.  The flowers were a great hit, all the brooches sold, lots of interest in the dolls but the only one to go was the pink fluffy teddy which I did a straight swap for a yellow retro colander from a Vintage and Retro stall. 
The markets are a great way to catch up with everyone and I get to chat with people I don't see all that often.  One friend told me about a shop that had changed owners and that I should go and see if she would take my things.  So this morning off I pootled into town and lo and behold it was an old friend of mine, we had actually worked together in a craft shop many years ago.  She was interested in some of the flowers and after seeing the photo's of the dolls she ordered 6 for a front window display. 
So my fingers will be flying this christmas, no rest for the wicked. 
I've had a chest infection for the past few days, my head feels like its going to fall off every time I cough and I also wish I'd kept up with those pecky pelvic floor exercises. Its a bugger having to quickly cross my legs every time I have a coughing fit.  I've not felt like eating anything and besides all food tastes like cardboard at the moment.  The dog has started to sleep under the bed again - I think she was fed up of being kicked off every five minutes with all my tossing and turning. 
Its so hot and muggy here, thunders been rolling round the skies all afternoon, we didn't get any rain from it but the sky was black over Malanda way.
I'm off to see if I can find a tin of chicken soup anywhere in the house, I just feel like some Campbells chicken noodle soup.

Jan

Blue skies

We got a bit of thunder and heavy rain yesterday but not much. Say  prayers for all those down south in central and southern queensland and new south wales who are copping some heavy falls and flooding. 

Blue skies brought out the neighbours and their mowers and I even got out there and ripped a few weeds out.  So glad i already did my mowing when it was overcast and a lot cooler, its a scorcher of a day today.

I didn't find one thing at the garage sales yesterday or at the second chance shop, very disappointing.  I decided to unearth the barbeque table from under a season of leaf fall and mouldy flower heads. Its been used as a potting table as well. Its been scrubbed and is now in the sun drying out, I'll give it a coat of O'Cedar and it'll be as good as new and will fit nicely in the craft room.  I have a couple of metres of green felt which should go over the top and will stop the beads from rolling around and then I can start getting creative. 

Matt came round for a hair cut, his hair (like his fathers) is a dirty blond and is prone to get curly if it is left too long between cuts, its very soft hair as well and thick.  The clippers were oiled and tested and off I went.  The last time I did it they cut out half way through, but with fingers crossed (his not mine) I ploughed through it all. Just a number four and it looks okay.  Of course he fidgeted and there were bits I missed but he was eager to go jump in the lake for a swim before the tourists got there.  He's a big boy now (23) and he can use his razor to trim the bits I missed.  He sniffed out the bacon in the fridge so of course we had bacon butties for a late breakfast.  Luckily for me he didn't notice the last blueberry muffin or the choc chip cookies, speaking of which I'm going to go make myself a coffee to go with the muffin and the cookies.

Uhru.

Jan

Webbed Feet.....

We are being teased with the weather, the sun comes up and dries up all the rain and then off it goes again.  Its misty this morning, the trees around the garden waiting for that sun to burn off their shrouds.  Birds are singing their little hearts out in anticipation. I'm waiting for a patch of blue sky before I venture out, I want to see what the day will be like before I make any plans.  I really feel like garage saling, but this apathy is weighing me down.  Its no fun on your own and my friends don't seem to have the same passion for it as I have (or rather -HAD).  I have had three jobs this past week to do so I have a bit of spare cash, I have another cleaning job to do after next weekend and I get paid for the two mystery shops I did last week next Friday.  I'm only spending around $50 a week on groceries and I've cut down on my petrol now TAFE has finished - $20 worth for about 9 days.  Two of the mystery shops involved buying gifts which I get to keep so I made sure they were things I could give to friends.  I'm not worrying over money, when I need, it comes in in unexpected ways. 
I have a necklace to make for a friend to give as a gift, I'm trying to get myself into jewelry making mood.  I want to use earthy colours and semi-precious stones with silver findings.
My very empty craft room is in need of a table to use as work station. I've been crocheting up a storm creating brooches which I can't finish till I get the back pins I ordered, so I need to do something to keep the creativity going.   Perhaps I should go garage saling this morning in a search for a table. 
Mist has cleared slightly, but still no signs of anything blue above me.  I'll get myself dressed and breakfasted, work out my budget and make a list of sales from the two local papers.  The thrill of the hunt is on.

Jan

Wet and wild weather.......

We've been having some pretty amazing late afternoon storms these past few days.  I just love to turn off the lights and sit in the dark watching the lightning fork across the sky.  The thunder literally shakes my little cottage.  The dog gets as close to me as she possibly can, scrunching up between me and the side of the chair, sometimes she attempts to burrow behind me - its a good job she's only a mini foxy.

I've been quite creative, making up some crocheted flower brooches. I had a foray into the world of scrapbooking the other day whilst looking for some cardstock to attach the flowers to.  I know I said I never ever would venture into scrapbooking but it is slowly sucking me in.  My friend burst out laughing when she saw I'd bought some scrapbooking supplies and refused to believe me when I said it was for the brooches.  It is, honestly.

I needed to find some cellophane bags I remember storing somewhere - 5 hours, 3 bags of stuff for the op-shops, 6 bags of rubbish, 3 nice and tidy wardrobe shelves and 1 cleaned out cupboard later I still haven't found them.  And in the interval,  lattes and chocolate marshmallow Santa's with a friend who called in.  I  keep going in my bedroom and opening the wardrobe - nicely folded blankets and sheets, all my underwear in little baskets, I even have floor space in there now, everything neat and tidy.  Not sure how  long it will stay that way.  I even found a pair of hand towels I bought.  I was only thinking the other day I needed new hand towels, I have a vague recollection of buying them before last christmas to embroider for a friend. 

I also found a pair of dungaree shorts that my youngest wore to a fancy dress party when he was three.  I made up some little fabric slugs and snails and sewed them all over the shorts, with a cute little slug peeking out of the pocket.  There was a baseball cap that went with it that I sewed a few little puppy tails on to.  I wish I had taken a photo of him at the time, he was not a happy little boy.  He's nearly 22 now, I wonder if he remembers.

Storms brewing up again, best get off the puter.

Jan


PS NOrma, I've been checking out that etsy blog, very interesting, I keep finding more and more information.

PPS. Vicky, you can come over here and cook me soup and make me pies anytime.

Just like Willie........

I'm back on the road again.  Finally after three weeks my car is fixed, first they had to wait for the part, then the mechanics mom got very sick so he had to keep shooting off.
After two attempts at my Excel assesssment I had a diabetic meltdown, smack bang in the  middle of the second attempt.  I just walked out, I was shaking, headachey, confused (yes, well I know I'm like that normally but I was more so this time). I know what casued it - stress.   Stress over the exam, stress of having no money and all the bills coming in, stress over having to beg lifts off friends and reli's all the time.   I wasn't eating, I had no appetite and I wasn't looking after myself.
I gave myself a week to get back on track and if I couldn't get my level back to normal then I made a commitment to myself to go see the doctor. 
I went back to meditating every day, I put myself first, I sorted the bills out, stopped worrying over things I had little control over and I marked down everything I ate, I started to cook proper meals again.   I was given a third chance at correcting my assessment (I think I gave the tutor a fright) - it was so simple, even the tutor couldn't see the mistake that had caused all the hassle, once it was finally found and rectified everything fell into place.  My speed tests went down hill though, last week I just couldn't feel my fingers on the keyboard and this week was slightly better,the first three weeks of speed tests i was close to 40 words a minute at 99.7 accuracy so I'm happy.  Even with the mistakes and slowness this week and last week I'm still top of the class in speed.  They take the best two results out of 8.
So after a week of being good and careful with my diet and stress levels I am happy to say that my blood sugar levels have dropped to under 6 first thing in the mornings,  around 8 to 9 after meals, around 5 - 6 before a meal and I haven't hit a double figure.  I know when they get too low and always have a little snack after exertion.  I've mowed half the back lawn, the front garden and the nature strip this morning so its time for a coffee and a piece or fruit.
I'm going to watch a dvd (Hairspray) this arvy while I work out a pattern for the amigurumi robot.  I need to start up an Etsy shop for the patterns and finished dolls, but need to find a good tutorial on how to do it, has any one got any hints and tips on how to be successful.

Jan