Wednesday, April 27, 2011

potholes and speed bumps

Thats what my life feels like at the moment, not only is my path through life full of detours and dead ends but its also strewn with pot holes and speed bumps.
The new fridge scheduled to be delivered two weeks ago got badly damaged so I had to wait for another to be shipped up to the tablelands.  Then the thursday before easter they rang to tell me the new one was in but they couldn't deliver it till the next wednesday because they had sent all their trucks back down the mountain.  Finally today it came, the poor young man delivering it couldn't get the trolley over the edge of my kitchen step, slipped and the fridge fell on top of him.  No damage to him or the fridge but I had to go out the front door and round the back and push while he pulled and we eventually got it into the house.  I said I would unpack it and he went on his way.  New fridge in the house, half unpacked but I can't get it off the little pallet it is on.  So my old fridge chugs merrily still, dripping water everywhere and clunking and rattling every so often. 
One lot of guests checked in on friday and left early sunday,then new lot of guests were due to arrive at 2, which would give me plenty of time to do a full clean ready for them.  Sheets and bedding everywhere, washer going, dryer going, mop bucket in middle of floor, beds remade apart from one, towels in a wet pile waiting for the dryer. 10.30 and I stop for a coffee with my son and his family and share easter bunnies with the grandgirls, then i hear the door close next door, I rush over and there standing in the middle of all the mess is two new guests - You are not ready for us No.  "Does it look like it" I reply (how rude I sounded). I explain that they are not due to check in till two, they say 11.  Apparently they are not the ones who booked, I am expecting 4 adults and 1 child, No he says, its 7 adults and 1 child, No she says, its 8 adults and one child.  We don't have beds for that many. HELPPPPPPPPPPP.  I send them off for coffee and promise to get the house clean in an hour.  They come back within the hour with two other guests and sit quietly on the verandah waiting while little old me totally oblivious to them being there is muttering under my breath and cursing all and sundry because the damm king size feather doona refuses to lie still, a bulge appears in the middle like a dead body minutes after i made the bed, i push all the feathers to the bottom and put the towels on top in the hope that they will wait them down and keep them still.  As I leave the room I can see them gradually creeping up to the middle of bed. At this stage I really don't care anymore.
I phoned the owners who were holidaying down south and let them know what is going on. They have only paid for 4 guests, this is not on, I mustn't let the other guests in till they have paid up. I hand the phone to one of the guests who agrees to pay the extra money, the original bookee arrives with a face like thunder and demands to know what is going on. I say take it up with the owner and hand her the phone number.  All sorted, I agree to let them in and will go back and do the final cleaning and make up the futon bed in the office when they are out later that afternoon.  All happy, I smile and say if there is anything else they need just let me know - my customer service training finally getting used (Believe me despite being top in the class for customer service I hate dealing with the public)
I checked all my booking details the realtor sent me and it definately said 4 adults, checking in at 2.  I still haven't a clue how many stayed there. 
So today I have washed 20 sheets, 30 pillowcases, 20 towels, 16 washers, 4 bathmats, 10 t-towels and all my own stuff, I've had two washing machines going and one dryer. I now have to phone the owner and let them know that a wooden chair has been broken by the guests. 
After all that kerfuffle on sunday morning I went off later that afternoon for a cooked dinner at my sons new place, roast lamb cooked in a camp oven outside, the grandgirls and one of their uncles took off on the quad bike and motor bike, they have no fear. The eldest grand girl was disappointed grandma would not get on the back of the quad bike and go for a ride round the paddocks with her. She even promised to go slow - I've seen her go slow and its still to fast for me.  Afternoon turned to evening and we watched the stars come out, listened to the stone curlews and put the world to rights before my youngest took me home.  It was a nice relaxing end to a very hectic day.  I crawled into my bed still stinking of smoke from the fire but I didn't care.
Tomorrow I have one lot of washing to dry, fold and put away and that is that, the house is ready for the next lot of guests, I have to pay a bill, do a customer service assessment, fill a report out, report my earnings, shop, try and get the fridge off its pallet, weed, visit a friend, submit my invoice, and somewhere try and have a life.
I met a man - yes, you heard right. A MAN.  Only once, though we talk on the phone and text and email. We never seem to get free time at the same time. Lots of itty bitty things stop us from meeting up again. Is he the right one for me - don't know yet, we are opposites, he doesn't understand my sense of humour and I think he gets to uptight over simple things.  He's cute, blond, slim, hardworking and loves his dog, is that enough.
Saturday I did a market stall with my friend, didn't sell much but that didn't matter, it was a good day still.  I realised that the money i would make had no purpose, I had no intent for it, no bill to pay or shopping to do.  It was mine to do what I wanted with with no guilt attached.  So, I bought myself a pretty vintage apron, some honey  and a fancy tea infuser. 
So the pot holes and speed bumps are there to slow me down, to make me rest, to take stock of where I am and where I am going. I need them.  The detours make me see a different take on things.  I know I need patience in some things.  I handled the mix-up at the weekend well, I didn't panic. Despite me joking about it I think I handled it diplomatically.  At the market I didn't get upset that very few people wanted to buy what I had made, I enjoyed the day and the experience, sounds and colours of a very busy country market.  I got my kitchen clean ready for the new fridge, I washed walls and threw out old stuff from the cupboards.  I learnt that its okay to change my schedule, I can say No and not feel guilty. 
A long post - I know, but its probably going to have to  do you a week, read it slowly, in bits.  I'm now going to go make myself a cup of tea and a slice of toast, put my pj's on and curl up in bed with a book and the dog.


Saturday, April 9, 2011


After much procrastination I got the patterns down. Everything should be winging its way soon.  I had a sudden burst of energy and whilst I had No.3 son to hand I made full use of him. Trimmed a few trees, weeded, moved rubbish, cleared and a dump run. Now I'm sat here picking splinters out.  I treated myself to a nice pale pink nail polish, I don't know why though, nearly every nail has been chipped and broken, not much left of them. 
Its rained off and on all day, woke to brilliant sunshine coming through the curtains and then by the time I'd got dressed and outside it was back to miserable again. I had a trip to the library and stocked up on chick books.  I'm struggling with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, I've had it a week and have only got about 50 pages in. 
Not sure wether its the kids next door running around the house, trucks going over the bridge outside town or thunder.  Judging by the colour of the sky it could very well be thunder. 
Okay, well thats me out of here, I'm off to pick out the rest of the splinters, get dressed and curl up with a gardening book.


Thursday, April 7, 2011


Snowpeople are finished..........patterns still to be typed out but all the notes are there ready to go.  Final three have been chosen for submission plus the snowbear.  Photo's of the chosen ones to be done shortly. The ones above are the prototypes, the chosen ones are way cuter.

procrastination yet again.

I am mooching round the house looking for things to clean, anything other than sitting down and crafting and getting those damm snowmen finished. I love doing them its just I can't bring myself to a) write out the pattern properly on the computer, b) sit down and waste time crafting the whole day.  What is wrong with me.  The house is full of snowballs that need to be assembled. Buttons need to be sewn on, carrot noses made.

I soaked all the sheets in the neighbours holiday home in bleach yesterday just to keep me occupied, i even vacummed behind things.  I'm considering getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing the bathroom floor tiles and if it wasn't so wild and wet outside I'd think about getting out the ladders and cleaning the windows. 

Once upon a time, long before widowhood, heart attacks and by-passes I would have ignored the cleaning and the time. I would spend hours crafting and always felt guilty about leaving things undone.  Sometimes needles, threads and yarns had to be prised from my hands in the early hours, I was totally oblivious to the time.  Now I have time (and I know I have moaned about this many times before) I just can't get the motivation to use that time.
Perhaps I am hoping that I'm going to get an AHA! moment, that the light bulb is going to glow brightly, by writing my feelings down maybe I will see what is so obvious.

So......what am I going to do.   Bath the dog is what I am going to do, then fold sheets, then have a cup of coffee and read a few more blogs, then sort out my already sorted out kitchen cupboards, then prune a few plants, then sweep off the verandah, then maybe have another coffee, check my emails, prepare dinner and by then it should be bedtime again.
These are some of the things I am capable of when I am motivated.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Strange Day......

Weird dreams, reflux, scratching dog, leg cramps, howling winds......I was like a zombie when i finally dragged myself out of bed this morning.  If I hadn't had to work this morning i would have pulled the covers straight back over my head and slept the day away.  The weather isn't helping - wet, miserable, misty and a bit nippy. 

This mornings job started out fine, i was on a roll until it came time to go over the non-compliance list with the manager who disappeared, he passed the buck to someone else who in turn threw it to someone else who then passed it to the junior to deal with.  I don't care anymore as long as I get paid for my bit thats okay with me. 

I went to the library after and couldn't find one book I really wanted to read. I finally picked the girl with the dragon tattoo. Driving home it was like I was invisible, I had my lights on because of the weather, I had cars pulling out in front of me at junctions, cars coming across the centre line and narrowly missing me and then I just remembered in time I had to get petrol and just made it to the servo. I even had a couple of huge rats run out in front of me.

The owners of the holiday home next door stayed the weekend and had to leave in a hurry cos their son was sick which means she's left me a nice mess to sort out. Beds to be stripped and a bathroom to clean.  But at least its more money for me.

I feel so out of sorts today, headachey - actually a bit fluey. I'm gonna go put next doors washing on and then I'm going to crawl into bed with my book.


Sunday, April 3, 2011


Oh dear, I have a deadline....end of April and the end of April is easter, so it has to be a deadline the week before easter.  I do not feel like doing anything.  My get up and go packed its bags and left for a holiday in a dryer climate.  This constant drizzle and miserable weather is just draining the life out of me.  Come on Sun I know you are are there.

I have plants to put in - up and out of bed at 6.30 and out to the market two towns over to pick up some promised eggplants seedlings, it was wet and muddy and I didn't feel like going so it was straight there and back.  I suppose they will sit in their pots next to the coriander seedlings I bought last weekend, waiting for me to get my act together and get them planted.

The snowmen (deadline items) are in snowballs still waiting construction, then I came up with another idea and of course had to drop everything to do that - and of course that is now waiting to be finished.

I have the beginnings a new love life if I can stop making excuses why I can't have one right now.

I need to get a new career, but thats been put on hold cos I now have carpal tunnel in my wrists and in my elbow, so that sort of puts paid for me looking at admin or clerical work, its also slowed down the craft work.  I think carpal is slightly better than the neuropathy from the diabetes that it could have been but isn't.

So, rather than move forward, I've stuck everything in the too hard basket and am now sat here procrastinating.

I know how to get myself out of it, I know I have a problem and I know how to deal with it,
I have all the tools necessary in my life to move forward.  I am the Queen of Self Sabatage, my life is going good and its like 'okay I know something bad is going to happen soon so I'll just stop now so I won't be disappointed', 'if I make the effort in this new relationship and then something goes wrong and it doesn't work out then I will get hurt, so I'll just finish it now to save all that pain'....... you see where I am going with this.

OK, rant over. Thats feels better.  Now to go and push myself to do something, maybe knock down a few of these barriers I've built up around myself.


PS: One of the things I did last week (Friday) was have all my hair cut off...........and I had a few streaks put in.  I went into the hairdressers and she did it there and then , no procrastinating. If I had gone home and thought about it I would have chickened out.
So look out for the new photo coming soon. I can have my hair straight or allow it to be its normal wavy self. The straight style sort of needs to grow on me a bit, and she's cut it so that the silver wings blend in with the streaks.