Things that are sent to try us.....

Everytime I seem to get anywhere in my life, when life has finaly settled down to an even pace, there is alway something that comes along to send everything flying. 
Two major family upheavals this month, bombshells dropped. Okay I can cope with that, I have to stand back and let family members deal with their own problems....I cannot fix everything and I have to do this for their sakes and mine.  Work.....don't get anything for weeks and then its full on, this includes my dolls. They are selling like hotcakes.
Neighbours.......both taken into hospital, now this is where I can't stand back, their family is not close and they need someone to look after the house and their dog.  So I'm rushing back and forth between the hospital, their house and my house.  I can't have their dog at my house because my little horror wants to fight her all the time despite them always playing together when the neighbours dog was a puppy.
The upside is that I've lost a kilo with all the running around.  My goal for this quarter was to lose 15 kg in 12 weeks.  I need to lose more but I'm doing it slowly.  I've upped my exercise regime, I did include rope skipping but that was just to painful, too many jiggly bits.  I'm walking more - including walking up and down with a push mower through long grass and despite really really not wanting to I am going to start doing Yoga.

Excitement last week when a friend and I went to the big city for some r.t.   We decided to go up to Port. The rain poured down on the coast road and it continued to pour.  Going back the inland way we hit flooding.  Being brave we decided to chance it over a flooded creek and very nearly go washed away, it didn't look like the bridge was over by much but halfway over it got very scary, we were following a ute towing a trailer full of kayaks (how ironic) and he started to get into a bit of trouble.  The road dipped down and the water got deeper and we really didn't think we were going to make it, but the angels must have been getting their feet wet pushing us through that water. I think if we both had have got out of the car when we got to dry land we would have collapsed with our legs turning to jelly.
We hit a few more creek bridges that were over but only just as we could still see the road under the water, still scary though.  All the time we were thinking of the floods down south and how a few people had lost their lives through trying to get across flooded bridges.
We will never ever in a million years do that again.

Better get off and go to the hospital, hopefully the doc can tell us more.

Jan

PS: Just got back from the hospital, my neighbour had tried to sit up in bed to go for a pee and fell over hitting his head on the metal cabinet by the bed. He's got more tests today, he has fibromyalgia and bad atheritus, diabetes and a bad heart so he really doesn't want anything else. He's very weak and confused. His wife has dementia and they think she has had another stroke.   I actually got some sense out of her this morning which is more than the poor nurses or Al did. 
I'm going to attempt finishing off my lawns today and make a start on my neighbours lawns.
Hopefully all these extra kilo's will start falling off me.

What doesn't break us will only make us stronger - gotta keep telling myself that

Time

I had a little epiphany this morning.  Time.  How much I hate being ruled by it and how I fight it.  I buy diaries and calendars, start off really well with them and by the end of February they lay forgotten.  I am forever forgetting things, mainly because I don't look at my diary, i go to appointments on wrong days and if I actually get the date and time right its only beacuase I made a conscious effort to remember - big notes on the fridge, memo alarm on my phone and puter, friends phoning me up to remind me.
A friend is picking me up in 30 mins to go out for the day shopping. Am I getting ready, NO, i'm waffling on about how much I hate TIME.  Now this fights with my inner control freak.  Luckily she is being sat on by my inner neat freak. Its being controlled I hate, yet  when the INF is around every minute is counted and controlled.  I don't wear a watch (I do have one but its and two others are laying in a dusty pile requiring new batteries  - the watches require batteries not the dusty pile).  I force myself to write things in a diary, this is where having an inner control freak comes in handy, she's the one that writes the lists on the fridge door and in my bag. 
I will not let my life be governed by TIME. I will do things in my TIME and my time runs slow.
Unfortunately time went quick this morning and I now have to run around like a headless chook to get ready for my day out in the big city. 

Jan

easters on its way

I cannot believe it,  yesterday a friend came over for coffee and brought Hot Cross Buns. Woolies have Hot Cross Buns in already. 

I had a reasonable sleep last night, not like the night before where I itched and scratched the night away.  A friend said it could be something in the water since all the flooding, extra chemicals to keep it clean I suppose.  So last night I went to bed unshowered.  Good job I sleep alone LOL.  No itching. So maybe I might pop into the council offices tomorrow and check with them.  I'll shower tonight and see whats happens overnight.  I had rather a rude awakening this morning. After being manoevered to the other side of the bed by the dog I slept good then woke to the sound of mowers and whipper snippers and the birds giving it their all. I rolled over and suddenly realised there wasn't any bed behind me, I managed to throw myself back on the bed.
BigW had a sale on and my dear friend bought me a big beautiful soft bath sheet, purple.
So I'm going to nip off now and jump in the shower and then wrap myself in my new big fluffy towel - simple pleasures.

Day 4 of a bright new year

We got the rains about 5 mins after I went and started up the mower for the second time. I was attempting to do a straight line. As we have no fences up between the properties it makes it difficult. I usually start off from the back fence line post and aim for a trellis that is on the fence line half way down the gardens. I think I do alright and then when I look back I see this very wavy line - and thats when I'm sober.  The rains came down all of a sudden - the washing, oh no it will be nearly dry. The mower and I rush to the washing which is in front of the shed, i turn off the mower and throw open the shed door with one hand while stretching out with the other to grab stuff off the line. The wind slams the shed door shut just as I am pushing the mower in, I then realise the mower is still going, its jammed in the on position.  One more attempt to get the mower and washing both in at the same time, I stretch out one leg to keep the door open while i push the mower in, a huge gust of wind comes and blows the Hills hoist around while I am still holding on to a doona cover.  I am quite sure I heard tittering and giggling from further down the back gardens.  Exit one mad woman muttering under her breath about the universe conspiring against her.

I did achieve a lot yesterday, i managed to get some crocheting in as well.  Attempting to do either a dragon or a dinasaur.  At first it was going to be a dragon, then I pulled it back and its now a dinasaur, not sure what sort.  An amigurumisaurus probably.  I am writing the pattern down as I go, not like before where I was too motivated to write anything down and just ploughed straight ahead. I just had to do it, hook flying, no time to write.

But now I am organised and I mean to go on that way (famous last words I know, but this time I mean them - honest).

With this lingering chest infection I have not been eating properly, food tastes like cardboard.  So my cupboards are still well stocked, the little freezer is full of frozen veggies and meat and I have a few tins of stuff.  This means that I really don't need to shop for a while except for probably bread,  milk and eggs. I only go through 2 1/2 litres of milk a week at the most and maybe one loaf of bread.  My challenge for myself is to not go food shopping unless I really need to for the whole month of January.  I have two big bills coming up and I need to put petrol in the car and thats about it. 

I get to go into town this morning to see my job network advisor, I'll do what I can while I am in town, get my walk in, stock up on some craft supplies, check out the op-shops for some china plates with pretty designs on, visit the library and stock up on books and pootle off home for coffee with a friend.  The dog still needs to be washed and I have to iron and then vacumn.  Busy, busy day.

jan

Clearing out......

Day three of the new year and I have tried to do something each day so that when the end of the day is on me I can sit back and actually see that I achieved something. The files caught my attention.  So here I sit surrounded by old letters, bills and receipts, warranties for things no longer in my possession and old envelopes.  Two bags of paper ready for the fire. 

The sun is shining at last, so I've done a load of washing and the dog is going to get a flea bath.  I'm even considering starting up the mower.  Even if I just do around the house it will be an achievement, ripping a few weeds out on the way, sweep up some leaves and trim a few bushes..............getting carried away with myself there.  But thats what seeing the sun does for you after seemingly weeks of grey skies and drizzle. 

Well two hours later, the washing is blowing in the wind and part of the lawn is mowed and a whole heap of weeds and grass pulled out from around the raised veggie plot.  I've had my lunch and I'm just about to pounce on the dog or I might just go and do a bit more mowing.  It will probably be raining in an hour. We get the monsoon rains in the afternoons.

Jan

This year I will be pondering on this quote before I purchase, feel or think anything.  I will be looking at what I have in my life now and what I would like in my life.  Do the things I have in my life make me happy............Yes, they do.  For the past year the op-shops have benefited from me disposing of all the material things in my life that no longer gave me joy.

Friends , well, my friends are probably one of the most precious things in my life and they make me very happy.  Everyone of them is unique and they each bring their own specialness to my life.

Family, I love my family.  My sons, daughter-in-law and my wonderful little grandgirls. Sometimes they turn up when I'm not really in the mood for them, but my mood is always lifted by the time they leave.

My creativity.  This gives me great joy.  Though at the moment my joy is slightly diminished because of a block.  I am sure though that that tiny spark that is still there will not go out and blaze fiercely once again.

My spirituality.  I do not follow any organised religions.  I worship where I stand at any particular moment.  I feel the grace of God all around me, be it in the frozen food aisle of Coles or a misty morning by the lake.  I believe in the laws of attraction and the golden rule.

MY home.  Its not perfect but it protects and provides a warm, safe, welcoming environment for all that visit.  I am happy with everything in it and if I am not then I try to improve or remove.  It gives me joy.

Me.  Heres the deal breaker.  I'm daggy, saggy and baggy, frumpy, greying, bulging, stuck in a rut.  Thats what I am unhappy with - ME.  So do I remove or improve.  Well since the angels are not ready to remove me just yet I guess I'd better improve.
I used to think I was happy being who I am - funny, a good friend, caring, honest, faithful etc etc etc, but there is always something holding me back. Yes, I am overweight but it really hasn't stopped me from doing anything I have wanted to do. If I really wanted to throw myself out of a plane then I wouldn't have let my weight stop me. 
How will I improve ME.

1.  Lose some weight - I lost 4 kgs  before christmas, I haven't overeaten but those kg's and two extra ones have appeared on the scales.  I haven't been doing the same amount of walking I used to do though due to a numb foot and pains in my leg.  Waiting to see a doctor over that.  So on the good days I will try and walk a little more, maybe eat slightly less. 

2.  Get my greying, frizzy, long hair sorted. 18 months ago I had a really nice cut, the best one ever, it was easy to manage and my hair looked good.  I felt good.  Time to feel that way again I think.

3.  My clothes.  If I find something that is comfortable I wear it to death.  I hate buying new stuff. I always shop at op-shops or sales.  So, I'm going to go out once a month and buy something NEW and pretty and something that makes me happy. 

These three things are enough to get me started. I am not going to stress over the weeks when I lose nothing, I am not going to stress over my hair or my clothes. I am not going to stress over LACK.                                                                                                       

 I am happy with my lot in life.  I choose to live my life  in joy and gratitude.

Jan

So I changed my mind.......

OKay so maybe it is a bit premature for Easter.  I was playing around with photo's and thought a section of a china plate would look nice.  It'll do for now.

Yesterday I didn't get out of my baggy daggy sleeping t-shirt, I thought perhaps now would be a good time to though.  Start the year as you mean to go on........daggy and laid back without a care in the world.

I cleared out my files in my emails.  Got rid of lots of junk I no longer need in there.  1000 emails I had been saving in some file or another. Of course it took twice as long cos I had to read some on them.  Right back to 2006. Boy was I young and naive then HA HA HA, I wish. I'd have to go back to before 1970 for that.

I need inspiration, my creativity is well and truly stuck, I need to do 6 dolls pretty soon for a friends  window display. 

I'm also stuck over wether I should start doing the markets, dragging myself out of bed early is no problem, its the motivation I need to commit and following through.  Its the same with the magazines - I just can't get the motivation to follow through with my ideas.

My ideal life would be to have enough money to not worry about the bills and to live comfortably, not to have to worry about centrelink ruling my life, to be able to do what I want, when I want and to not have to worry about anyone else but myself and to do what I love doing.  I seem to be waiting for something to happen all the time. I'm in limbo with everything in my life.  I know I should use this quiet time to reflect and go within, meditate and heal but even that side of my life is in Limbo. 

Lunch time, left over ham salad I think with crusty bread and then get out of this towel and get dressed.

Jan

OOPS

Just realised the picture I put up is an Easter themed one.  Oh well, I suppose I've beaten Coles, Woolies and Big W in getting out their Easter goodies already.  Tough, cos its staying.

Today I got rid of christmas, I got myself organised for once. Everything went in their correct boxes. The antique decs all went together.  I photographed how the new tree lights came in their little plastic carry box, could I get them back in there the right way, I think they should include a dvd on how to do it.  I was so proud of myself ib putting everything away - normally I'm finding things I've missed for weeks after. I was telling this to my friend on Skype and then looked to the right and there in one of the plant pots was a little felt button tree I had placed next to the plant.  It can stay there - pretty soon the plant will cover it up and its green anyways so it will be camoflaged. 

Prayers to all those further south.  The floods are the worst ever.  Its heartbreaking to watch the news and see all those people who have been affected by them.  All this water and half the country is still in drought.

Jan